I’ve always wished that I could stop my children from aging. Just freeze them at a point in their life so that we could all well and thoroughly enjoy it. There were a few ages that I was particularly fond of. Just after learning to crawl. Just as they were acquiring speech. 18 months was nice. Two years. The time between their first smile, first laugh, first word, first step… it’s all too brief. I’d have loved to stop their aging at any of those times and live with them that way, not forever, but for a few years. Five? Yes, diapers and all.

But time, as they say, marches on.

I was talking to my daughter on Saturday after she and her brother had finished playing in the water. It was a warm day so we took the Slip ’n Slide out of storage. She came to me with her towel and asked, “Daddy, can you help me dry off?”

“Sure I can, sweetie. It’s my job to help.” I took the towel and started drying her hair. She looked at me and said, with a devotion to an idealistic view of parenting that only a child can have, full of innocence and trust, “That’s right. It’s your job to take care of me.” She said it as if it was an immutable law of the universe, with the same confidence she has in the sun rising tomorrow. I put the towel around her shoulders and said, “But it’s also my job to teach you how to take care of yourself. And some day you’re going to have to dry yourself.” I patted her shoulders dry and rubbed her arms through the towel.

We stood there in the sun together for a few moments as it moved toward the horizon, a small puddle forming beneath her feet from the water dripping out of her swimsuit, the sun’s rays imparting a warm, golden glow to the air. The world seemed very still. She asked, “When I’m eleven, will you still help me sometimes?” I smiled. “Of course. I’ll help you even when you’re my age, sweetie, if you’ll let me.” And then she laughed, the sound of it like the sudden shattering of crystal into a thousand musical notes that somehow play in perfect harmony. “I’ll never be your age, Daddy!” I rolled my eyes and sent her skipping inside.

I wish that was true, sweetie. I do so wish that was true.

Comments

1. Grainne on 2006-05-23 09:26:21 wrote: This actually brought tears to my eyes, and I don’t even have kids!

2. Shawn on 2006-05-23 10:19:28 wrote: Today is my daughter’s 15th birthday. I dropped her off at school within minutes of the time I held her when she came into this world 15 years ago today. It all seems too fast, and to them it all seems too slow. Thanks for the post, it made my day.

3. simon (of the big sort) on 2006-05-23 11:43:46 wrote: Far too quickly they grow up. My daughter, only nine years old, is going to be a teenager soon. My youngest, merely eight, will be on his own in such a short time. Until then, they’re going to do a whole lot of dishes. evil grin

4. Irene on 2006-05-23 12:28:58 wrote: one of the most beautiful posts I’ve read in my life.

5. disneymike on 2006-05-23 16:06:26 wrote: I consider it a privilege to have helped my daughter for the past 17 years. She has grown up so quickly. She is almost a woman now and I’m so proud of her. I think it’s so true that we are there to help them so they can help themselves one day. But of course we’ll always be there for them no matter what their age.

6. JGS on 2006-05-23 19:33:07 wrote: That was a beautiful post! It is good to see you back again. I just recently had a similar experience with my 3-year old girl and that balance of making sure they know we are completely there for them while at the same time teaching them, empowering them to take care of themselves is one of the hardest, most challenging aspects of being a loving parent. You put it so beautifully.

7. cisco on 2006-05-24 07:07:03 wrote: Listening to the Beatles’ “When I’m 64” I also asked my soon to be 8 year old daughter if she will feed me when I am 64, her reply was, “EEWWWW”. After thinking about it and exlaining to her that sometimes when people get very old and are not able to do things for themselves, she changed her mind and said that she would always take care of me, even after she has kids and is married. Only time will tell. And, yes, “if we could only stop time”

8. computer science geek on 2006-05-24 10:43:23 wrote: That’s so true. I look at my 10 year-old daughter and say to myself, “where has the time gone?” My six year-old son is at the stage where he will step across to a new level when he finishes senior kindergarten in June and it breaks my heart thinking about it.

9. Dreadmouse on 2006-05-24 12:21:47 wrote: It goes so fast. My daughter is only 14 weeks old and there have already been so many changes. I hate that some of who she was is slipping away from my cheesecloth memory. I want to treasure it all, but I just can’t seem to hold onto it.

10. Laura on 2006-05-24 15:46:26 wrote: Geez, you made me cry ! I too wish I could freeze my children in different stages of life. But when one of my childless friends asked me what was the best age for kids, I replied without thinking “Right now !” She was puzzled since my kids are at different ages. But I told her that much as I loved all those other little bits of my kiddos (first smile, chubby fist toddling legs, even potty-training & first school day), who they are now is most impressive to me.

11. nikkirae on 2006-05-25 10:54:05 wrote: LOL.. Our daughter keeps telling us she won’t be like all the other teenagers… she’ll never be embarrassed or hate us. Don’t I wish that were true. -n

12. Glenn on 2006-05-26 09:42:03 wrote: i don’t think anything on the internet has ever put a tear in my eye until now, caring for your daughetr in such a way makes me wish that my father would just phone me from time to time, knowing well enough i cannot phone him. you should be proud being such a good father! Glenn

13. tracey on 2006-05-26 14:41:15 wrote: I’ve only just found your blog recently and haven’t commented yet, but I really enjoy checking in on you and your photos are always so lovely. I don’t have any children yet, but this post reminded me of when my younger sister was small and she used to tell me how she just couldn’t wait until she was older than me - then all would be right in the world and she could finally have her way! Anyway, just wanted to say hi and so glad to have found your site.

14. Angela on 2006-05-29 07:12:38 wrote: Tears in my eyes as well. I know exactly what you mean.

15. Amy on 2006-05-30 09:38:27 wrote: I must be hormonal today or something…but I bawled my eyes out at this post. My daughter is not quite 3 yet….and to think of her growing up and moving into her own life…EEK!!!

16. Pewari on 2006-05-30 10:49:14 wrote: Right there with you. It’s scary how fast the last five years have gone. I remember when a year was a big measure of time, now it blinks past in an instant, and I’m not even that old yet! Eldest son started school last September - that was a shock I can tell you, but he always looked so young - school didn’t really touch him until the last month or two. Now he has confidence and a little bit of knowledge. He’s started talking like his friends and used to the routines of school more than the routines of home. He’s not mine anymore. And I’m both very proud and very scared at the same time.

17. Angela on 2006-06-01 19:02:39 wrote: All together now: “Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww.” So sweet.

18. guynameddave on 2006-06-02 13:25:10 wrote: Well done. Parenting is kind of like working yourself out of a job, if you do it well. Bitter sweet. But you know there is another way to relive all those tender moments… have more kids! ;-)

19. toyfoto on 2006-06-03 05:29:56 wrote: Such an elegant, glowing essay. Beautiful in every way. She’s such a lucky girl.

20. WisDoc on 2006-06-29 00:59:14 wrote: Wow, what beautiful and touching words! I love it! My wife and I are expecting our first child in October. We are so excited but also scared at the same time. I will keep this in mind when the excitement of the birth wears off a bit and the long nights of trying to comfort a crying infant or all the dirty diapers may be difficult. Instead I will try to treasure those precious moments!

21. Irax on 2006-07-04 10:53:38 wrote: Logically she is right… she will never be your age… when she is x, you will be (x+y), where y is your age when she was born :)

22. Brent on 2006-07-06 10:38:06 wrote: This 4th of July my son told me that it is a ‘Dad’s job to get fireworks… you’re supposed to get fireworks Dad.’ He is about to be 4 and I suppose if anyone in the house had such a job it WOULD be me. I really like the picture you’ve painted here though. One of those rare and beautiful moments when time DOES stand still.

23. Julie Falk on 2006-07-12 07:26:34 wrote: Thank you for sharing that beautiful moment from your daddyhood. I’m sure you will be happy someday that you wrote it down, because these sweet stories tend to fade with time.

24. Peter Marshall on 2006-07-12 20:21:16 wrote: Caught it just right. We get a lot out of it, don’t we? My daughter is 16 now, well past the little girl stage, or even that “11” stage.. A fabulous kid. I remember the last time I carried my daughter in from the car, half sleeping, because every time I did, I would think “this is probably the last time my baby will need me to do this”.. One time, I was right. I was mucking around on allofmp3.com the other day, and came across an album by Sam Cooke that we used to play every night, when she was maybe 12-18 months. I’d hold her, rock her, dance with her, let her fall asleep on my shoulders, put her down. Tears came to my eyes listening to “Meet Me At Mary’s Place”… swing up, swing back, smile…

25. Craig on 2006-08-18 01:53:29 wrote: Never been moved by a blog post like I was by that one! I’ve just proposed to a girl I have known for five years, about a week ago - so I suppose I am that long (but it seems all to quick) path to the rest of my life.

26. Jeff on 2006-08-22 14:20:56 wrote: and to think I’d been saying ’not right now’ when my just-turned-13 daughter was asking me lately if she could ride on my shoulders…. I’ve gotta go home now to say ‘yes’ … while she still wants to… (and, as all the others mentioned, this is a great post, thanks)

27. JGJones on 2006-08-29 08:12:21 wrote: I’ve got 2 kids myself, the boy’s 8 and the wee girl is 3. You describe how I feel beautifully, yet I’m unable to put into words so your post does it beautifully. I’ve pointed my wife to this post as well as I know she’ll feel the same too. Thanks for that!

28. Silviu on 2007-01-03 15:42:33 wrote: My dad was a lil’ bit younger than i am now when i was born, and i still cant belive im almost 24. My cousin has a baby. He’s 4 months older than me and it seems that he want a bigger gap hehe. Reading this was… i don’t know, a little bit sour beacause i wish to stop still the time. I don’t want to be a bad father, so if i could stop it to learn and then press the play button… I would be ready to teach my baby everything. Also reading this was somehow magical. I actually saw your daughter thorough your eyes, and not just her but the hole landscape picture… She is very lucky to have you as her father… Good job dad :)

29. Use the poop, Luke | flagrantdisregard on 2008-06-14 16:29:35 wrote: […] children potty trained several years ago which was unquestionably a Good Thing. And yet I’ve said and I still believe that, if it were possible, I’d have suspended or slowed their aging so […]

30. planetdanika » The Role of a Parent on 2008-06-17 15:31:02 wrote: […] been feeling mushy enough as it is, and then I had to go and read this post! This guy writes a great daddy-blog, by the way. His take on the role of a parent: 1) take care of […]

31. The Blogfathers Blog Archive » Use the poop, Luke - Dads You Can’t Refuse on 2008-06-18 13:50:23 wrote: […] children potty trained several years ago which was unquestionably a Good Thing. And yet I’ve said and I still believe that, if it were possible, I’d have suspended or slowed their aging so […]