The children show me their teeth each night after they brush them. The lovely and talented wife recently bought them both shiny, new electric toothbrushes to replace their mundane hand-powered ones to help motivate them. The novelty hasn’t worn off yet. When they show me their teeth, they kind of sidle up to me, mumbling through tightly-closed lips, “Daddy, wanna see how white my teeth are?”

“Oh, sure,” I say, eagerly. And then, they break into huge grins, blinding me with their brilliant white teeth. I stagger back, shielding my eyes from the glare. They laugh, close their mouths just long enough for me to regain some composure, and then let me have it again. Blammo!

It’s a fun ritual. You shouldn’t look too closely at your kid’s teeth though. They really are sickeningly, brilliantly white. It almost makes you want to rush yourself to the dentist.