How expensive? Estimates range from $10 - $15 thousand (USD) per child per year.

And that only covers food, housing, health insurance, public education excluding college—the basics. And an assumption is made that your child doesn’t incur massive legal fees or cause wanton destruction like burning down your house. (If your child has burned down your house then you can figure the annual adjustment by simply adding the purchase price of your house divided by the age of your child when you murdered it.)

So let’s assume that a child survives adolescence, goes to a public college for four years (for $50,000, say), gets a job, and moves out at 22.

Total bill: $270 - $380 thousand.

And that’s just the real costs. What about pain and suffering, I ask you?

Kids, what about a fair profit for your parents?

So, tack on a meager profit of 10%… add a small fee for every diaper, gray hair, tantrum, homework, “not me”,  lousy boyfriend/girlfriend, argument, etc… carry the one…

I figure my kids owe me about $2.3 gajillion each.