On Friday night, the children and I enjoyed a rousing game of “Duck, Duck, Goose” right up until the moment when they nearly killed me which, really, I’m surprised doesn’t happen more often. My wife was working that night so it was just the three of us. We sat in a circle — although, with just three people you have to use your imagination a little — and my daughter took the first turn.

So far, so good.

Let me take a moment to talk about the dangers inherent in raising children. Small children are not unlike walking, talking machines of death and destruction. Not all the time, of course. Just when they’re, you know, awake. You must never, never turn your back on them. And they’re often at their most dangerous and destructive when they’re at their most quiet. Some of the killer moves in their repertoire: leaving toys on the floor with the sharp, pointy bits up, jumping off of stairs and countertops into your arms when you aren’t ready, choking you by hanging onto your neck, and my favorite, sneaking up on you in the morning and waking you up by simultaneously jumping on you and yelling “Wake up! Aaaahhgggggg!”

My daughter tapped me and shouted “Goose!” I jumped up and chased after her. We play a variation where we run around the house instead of just around the circle. I chased her into the living room, through the dining room, through the kitchen, and back to the family room. My son joined the chase too, but he’s slower so we passed him on the way back.

That was when he swung his arm around and punched me right in the family jewels.

I’d say they planned it if I didn’t know better. He didn’t mean to do it, of course. And the humor of the moment was not lost on me although it was somewhat dampened by the pain. That is, the detached part of my mind, watching all of this unfold from a part of my brain apparently disconnected from the nerve endings in my crotch, told me, “Ouch! That had to hurt!” and then had a hearty laugh while I tried to regain my composure.

I outweigh my son about 8:1, I’m 6 feet tall to his 2 and inches, yet he stopped me instantly and completely with a well-timed punch. He turned around and walked back to the circle. My daughter was already sitting down singing “I win! I win!” And I was it.