These were the words my son used to try and convince me to give him some candy. We’ve been rewarding him when he uses the potty, which worked well enough for his sister, but there’s something about the concept that he either doesn’t get or he understands it perfectly and is feigning ignorance because he enjoys the convenience of someone else wiping his bottom. He uses it about 1/4 of the time. He can’t be bothered the rest of the time.

He’s becoming more crafty, for sure. This time, he told me he promises he used the potty. I refused after a negative verification check. Then he casually walked back to the bathroom and flushed the toilet. He came back and repeated his request. Clever, kid, but again I refused.

I went to get the kids’ room ready for bed, and when I returned, he was gone. I looked around and noticed his sister standing by the curtains, trying her best to look casual. I asked her if she knew where he was. She looked at me with lily-white eyes, the “Who, me?” expression on her face. A flash of hesitation, then she nodded her head and silently motioned to the curtains.

And there he was, sitting on the floor behind the curtains, lollipop in his mouth, trepidation and sugary bliss mingling on his face. His eyes widened as the curtain was drawn back, he grabbed the sucker and put it behind his back, he screamed “I promise! I promise!” as I took it away from him, he cried as I carried him to bed.

He fell asleep as I read him and his sis a bedtime story.