The chalky, sweet smell of baby powder. Soft, delicate skin and contented cooing. A baby looks up at you with complete trust, and when you look back into those beautiful, innocent eyes, you feel so much love that your heart aches. Your devotion is total.

The light odor of socks and urine from a three-year-old boy while he uses the toilet, barely awake, as you sit on the edge of the bathtub next to him, barely awake, because he needed your help finding it in the dark and quiet after midnight. Breathing quietly, together, in the darkness.

Shouts of “Daddy! Daddy!” and the sound of tiny feet clomping down the hallway as they run to greet you. Giant hugs from little arms. Unbridled, unconditional love.

Crying in the night for a comforting touch. Holding her against your chest as you stumble in circles at 3am, the only thing that calms her and allows your spouse a few minutes of rest. Living in a constant state of near-exhaustion.

Overwhelming pride when they start to do things that you taught them. Tying shoes. The first time they read a story to you.

Washing clothes. Making dinner. Tiny bandages and tiny kisses for tiny knees. Making it better.

And it doesn’t end. And there are no breaks when you are ill. And every day it goes on and on and on. And it’s a wonderful privilege.

This is what being a parent is.

Comments

1. Dreadmouse on 2006-03-24 08:04:04 wrote: I’m just starting to learn this job, so I haven’t been anywhere near through the list yet. But… it’s all true, isn’t it? I can’t believe how much it has changed everything, and how little I’m minding most of the changes.

2. roblin on 2006-03-24 08:35:08 wrote: Saying names so many times a day that they lodge in your head like favorite songs. Mining the dried berries out of your own cereal because he likes to turn his tongue pink. Fashioning a story out of everything. It is an exhausting privilege. I’m a new reader of yours (and a relatively new parent of a boy and a girl). Just wanted to say that I appreciate the distraction–and that you’ve encouraged my wife to kick her photography up a notch.

3. cindi on 2006-03-24 08:35:53 wrote: Thank you for this; it’s dead on. Just this morning, I spent a half-hour watching my daughter chew on her toes, smile delightedly at me and sing “ma ma ma ma”–to my heart’s content. The daily wonders of parenting are hard to describe to those who don’t have or want kids. If I had known how much I was missing, I would have had kids 10 years ago. But you can’t be convinced until you’re knee deep in it. Perhaps that’s a sign of our collective insanity. :)

4. Meepers on 2006-03-24 13:02:30 wrote: Ahhhh! I’ve dropped by here a time or two, but I have to speak up today. You’re directly responsible for the current explosion of my ovaries. That is all! Thank you! and I’m sure your wife thanks you for the many daddy-duties you’re doing, willingly and without being asked (I can tell, because you’ve got the minutae-type items down). Yeah!

5. john on 2006-03-24 13:05:15 wrote: You�re directly responsible for the current explosion of my ovaries Wow, thanks. Can I use that as my new site tagline? :-)

6. WM on 2006-03-24 15:57:03 wrote: Got here from The Jamoker’s site. Another fine father. This made me smile big smiles. My hubbie and son share what’s called “Making an X.” It involves the both of them going into the bathroom to pee. I don’t ask. Glad to know you’re out there!

7. Spilopterus on 2006-03-24 19:28:51 wrote: I think you wrote it very well. Touching and moving and really captures the essence of parenthood. Nicely done.

8. cisco on 2006-03-26 09:22:08 wrote: Yes indeed. and it keeps getting better. My daughter is now close to 8 years old and I know that a few years from now, she will be all grown up and more into her friends and her “own life”, so I am getting my fill right now while I can..

9. Norby on 2006-03-26 20:31:36 wrote: Thanks for interleaving the vignettes for the full spectrum of daddyhood. It’s all there, and sometimes, especially during the 3AM bathroom trips, it’s easy to forget all of the others. -//

10. Evangelia on 2006-03-29 04:16:40 wrote: It’s so wonderful to read about a man who truly loves and enjoys being a father! Wonderfully written.

11. Jeff Wilkinson on 2006-03-30 10:05:42 wrote: You really put some of this great stuff into words well. The neat thing is, that stuff doesn’t end when they get beyond baby-hood or toddler-hood. Mine are 8 and 11 and we still have those amazing, breath-taking moments of shared enjoyment over little things that make parenting the best job in the world. (and that help us bear the messy, smelly, frustrating, painful and exhausting parts of it ;-) Another great read on this kind of thing is: Misc.kids FAQ: Good Things About Having Kids http://www.faqs.org/faqs/misc-kids/good-things/ Keep on putting our thoughts and feelings down so well ;-) jw

12. Eric C. Snowdeal III on 2006-04-04 09:29:13 wrote: what a fantastic post. very nicely put.

13. nikkirae on 2006-04-17 19:07:41 wrote: Amen. The little things that we share with our kids: A secret sign that means I love you, time spent reading aloud to them, when your son enjoys brushing your hair (ssshhh… don’t tell him how much I enjoy it smile. I came into my children’s lives a little later than usual. Though I’m Mom I’m technically a step-parent. Let me tell you. I needed this reminder. I missed the baby stuff.. but there’s more to come. Thank you. -n

14. ceteris non paribus » Blog Archive » why write when you can link? on 2006-04-22 18:47:01 wrote: […] Go read the whole thing. […]

15. Prophecy on 2006-05-04 09:51:21 wrote: You know what. I am not a parent yet, but the whole thing looks less daunting when I come across such stories. You make parenthood sound and LOOK lke so much fun. I would remember to enjoy the little things, when time comes for little people. Thanks!

16. Susan Fraser on 2006-06-15 16:59:32 wrote: My “babies” are 32 and 35, and the older one is about to become a father for the first time. Your posts bring b ack many happy memories, and I intend to send your URL to my son. Thank you!