Me: Are we seriously going out to dinner at 4pm? Wife: It’s a late lunch. Me: Whatever, Grandma. The kids are off visiting with relatives and this is what becomes of us. Roll out of bed at 11 and lunch at 4.

Lovely and Talented Wife: I’m freezing. Me: Put on a sweater. Wife: I slept in socks, flannels, a tank top, a thermal shirt and five blankets and I was still cold. Me: You slept so well because I have the thermostat set low. Wife: No, I did not sleep well. I was still cold. Wait, [...]

Wife: Please shave today. Me: I guess it’s been a while. At least I’m still gorgeous. Wife: … Me: Well, I mean I haven’t looked in the mirror yet today. But can’t I just take my word for it?

Texting the lovely and talented wife this morning… Me: It’s day of the ninja. Be stealthy and kill at least four people today. Wife: You are so random. Me: I’m so ninja I killed three people so far today and they don’t even know it. Wife: I’m so ninja *I* don’t even know it. Me: [...]

Scene: Grocery store cereal aisle Me: Did you get my cereal? Wife: There is no such thing as “Barb’s Wheat Squares.” Me: Hm. Wait, here they are. Wife: Those? Are those wheat? Me: Uh, multigrain? Wife: Are they squares? Me: Technically, they’re hexagons. Wife: Are they called Barb’s Wheat Squares? Me: Um, no. They’re called [...]

One of the occupational hazards of being a geeky self-employed entrepreneur who runs his own servers is that I am my own IT department. And that means sometimes I am awakened early in the morning by an urgent message from one of my servers. And after it’s fixed I often crawl back into bed. And [...]

Me: So, do you like the new Doctor better than the old one? Lovely and Talented Wife: Well… Me: I know, it’s tough, huh? I think they’re both really good Doctors. Wife: They’re both excellent actors. Me: But the current Doctor. I can tell he’s grown on you. Wife, nodding: Yah. He made a little [...]

Lovely and Talented Wife: So I texted that thing to her and she texted back “LMAO.” Me: She didn’t though. Wife: LMAO? Me: Yah, her ass is still on. Wife: What…? Me: People read something funny and then maybe they snort or chuckle or even chortle and then write LOL or LMAO. They rarely mean [...]