Scene: Grocery store cereal aisle Me: Did you get my cereal? Wife: There is no such thing as “Barb’s Wheat Squares.” Me: Hm. Wait, here they are. Wife: Those? Are those wheat? Me: Uh, multigrain? Wife: Are they squares? Me: Technically, they’re hexagons. Wife: Are they called Barb’s Wheat Squares? Me: Um, no. They’re called [...]

I know where you can not get one of these handsets at a great price. You know, just in case you don’t want one. Um, thanks?

I just cancelled an order with Musicians Friend. I ordered on July 28th and today they still haven’t shipped it. I knew when I ordered it that they were having some kind of warehouse issue but they’d originally given me an estimated shipping date of August 7th and today they still don’t know when it [...]

I get regular emails from public relations agencies telling me—from the bottom of their hearts—about parent-friendly products and services. Normally I just ignore them, but I’m feeling ranty today. Listen, I know you don’t really believe in what you’re saying. I appreciate that you’ve been hired by a client to spread the word about their [...]

Sure, the interiors in Dwell magazine look good, but the poor kids—they’re only allowed to play with toys that match the decor.

Will you be giving the gift of you this year? (Bone rings)