Actual conversation. The lovely and talented wife had just sat the boy down on the toilet and given him a quick refresher course on toilet usage. Note to new parents: you have to be pretty specific with boys about where you expect them to aim.

Wife: Ok, now sit here. And don’t shoot out.
Wife exits bathroom.
Son, yelling so that everyone in the house can hear him and probably some people across town: Ok, Mom! I won’t shoot out!
Long pause
Son, panicked: Aaagh! Mom! I peed on my hand!

Uh, he’s getting there. Just a little more practice.