The kids have a behavior chart in their classrooms and each of them has a clip with their name on it. They “clip up” for good behavior and “clip down” when they get into trouble…
Me: So, how was school today? Did you clip up?
Son: No, I clipped down… But! But, Dad! Clipping down is good [...]
Me: Whoa! Is that dude’s name really Jor-El?
*pause*
Lovely and Talented Wife: *sigh* Yes.
Me: You know who I’m talking about, right?
Wife: Yes.
Me: That’s awesome.
*play*
Me: It’s just a coincidence, though, right?
*pause*
Lovely and Talented and Patient Wife: *sigh* What?
Me: I mean, it’s not comic related.
Wife: Probably not.
Me: But I’ll bet he gets that a lot. You know, from [...]
Lovely and talented wife: Where are our calling cards?
Me: In the envelope drawer.
Wife: Dare I ask why they are in the envelope drawer?
Me: I took “envelopes” to mean “mail stuff.”
Wife: Calling cards aren’t mail stuff.
Me: Well, they have our address on them so people can use them to send us mail, so they’re “mail stuff.”
Wife: [...]
Wife: Your seatbelt is off!
Me: I know. I’m putting it on now.
Wife: Ack! We’re driving!
Me: You know, as the driver, you’re responsible for your passengers’ safety.
Wife: I’m not responsible for you. You’re an “adult.”
Me: I’m pretty sure I could convince a cop that I’m retarded.
Wife: No doubt.
Me: Hey!
Scene: Grocery store cereal aisle
Me: Did you get my cereal?
Wife: There is no such thing as “Barb’s Wheat Squares.”
Me: Hm. Wait, here they are.
Wife: Those? Are those wheat?
Me: Uh, multigrain?
Wife: Are they squares?
Me: Technically, they’re hexagons.
Wife: Are they called Barb’s Wheat Squares?
Me: Um, no. They’re called Barbara’s Shredded Spoonfuls.
Wife: Uh huh.
Me: Right. Well, I’ll just…
Wife: [...]
Copyright © 2008 John Watson
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