Wife: So far, I washed the car, ran errands, and picked up The Boy. What did you do today?
Me: Not much. You did a lot this morning, though.
Wife: Oh, you do way more than me.
Me: Pfft! I don’t do anything. You’re the one with three jobs.
Wife: But what you do brings in all the cash. [...]
My Mario Kart Wii game disc stopped working last Saturday. After inspecting it I found several tell-tale scratches and dents in it. As if it had been put face down on a gritty surface and someone dropped a ton of bricks on it. So I called up Nintendo and told them what happened and they [...]
Me: My new guiding principle is What Would Liz Lemon Do. WWLLD.
Wife: And, what, do the opposite?
Me: No, no. It’s actually a big time saver. For example, I was about to get a bowl of ice cream and I thought, WWLLD, and I ate it straight from the carton instead.
Wife: That’s idiotic. If you really [...]
Daughter: Dad! Dad! I had a dream! And I could see what was going to happen in the future! And it was real!
Me: Whoa.
Daughter: Dad! Am I a sidekick?
Me: Hm. Try this: “Holy divination, Batman!”
Daughter: Holy divination, Batman!
Me: Yep, you’re a sidekick. But I don’t think you’re psychic.
Daughter: Huh?
Me: A psychic is someone who can [...]
Daughter: Do you know the S-word?
Son: Yeah.
Daughter: What is it then?
Son: “Stupid.” And I know the M-word: “moron.”
Daughter: Everybody knows those words.
Son: What other letter words are there?
Daughter: I don’t know.
Son: Let’s make our own letter words!
Daughter: Uh, I don’t think that’s a good idea.
Copyright © 2008 John Watson
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