Me: I’d like to sign up for service but I don’t want a 2-year contract. I already have a phone. Customer Service: We can’t do that. We can only give you a 2-year contract. Me: Really? Aren’t 2-year contracts just a condition of getting a large discount on a new phone? I already have a [...]

Son: Mom, lunch is good. Son: I like red. Son: Are there real aliens? The lovely and talented wife: You are so random. Son: I am not random. Son: I wish our table was made of sticks.